Kakalaki man, or, Why Lindsey Graham Has to Bellyache

Momma taught him everything tastes better with catsup

Mustard is a barbeque sauce

and Duke’s Mayonnaise is a religious sacrament

He believes okra is worthy of its own festival

Georgia peaches are grown in South Carolina

and only his mom’s buttered biscuits are the best

Corn is why the moon shines

Anything can be made into wine

and it ain’t a party until someone brings red velvet cake

A glass of sugar tastes better with a spoonful of tea

Grits are eaten with anything, but honey

and vinegar pie and deep-fried Oreos are a thing

Chinese fast-food must serve chicken wings

Boiled peanuts the consistency of snot are delicious

and tomato pie and sandwiches are delicacies

He smothers perfectly good chili dogs in cheap coleslaw

Collard greens and hush puppies are health foods

and (drumroll, please) the real Lost Cause is Gamecock football

8-7-23