pen pals

My two older sisters had pen pals

they’d talk about when the mail came

I’d steal into their room to read the letters

and pretend they were my friends

I wanted a pen pal

but was afraid no one

would want to be my friend

if they knew I had a speech impediment,

hummed constantly (even when in class),

stammered when excited,

had angry arguments with voices

only I could hear

and would curse myself when I made a mistake

Sometimes, I still want a pen pal

from a faraway land, but I’m afraid

they might need money

and I can’t afford to help

and I will stress out, become angry

and curse myself when alone

1-20-22