hand-made chocolate shakes

For the surgical nurse

who I worked with when I was drafted

I remember sneaking

out the service door in the alley behind the hospital

Jogging to an ice cream shop

for hand-made chocolate shakes while you stood guard at the door

We would sit

in the nurses’ lounge – you would tell me your heartaches and dreams

But mostly we would laugh

about the absurdity of war and death and asshole arrogant doctors

_____

Last night, I dreamed of you

and how brave you were and how proud I was to be your friend

In the dream

when your ex drove off, again – you pretended to be asleep

You hadn’t wanted him

to knock – and you hated yourself for asking him to stay

The smell of him

in your bed and on your skin made you feel dirty

When the sound

of his car faded, you took a shower

In the morning

you grabbed a saw from the shed

Cut a low hanging limb

from a tree that crowded the sidewalk in the yard

Threw it by the curb

for the city to haul away to the landfill on Friday

_____

This morning, I remembered

the day you died on the surgical table – your co-workers working on you

It was a routine C-section

they missed a bleeder and the recovery room nurse figured it out too late

I remember being called

from the nurses’ lounge, garbing up to work your case

The doctors worked furiously

cursed the anesthesiologist who hadn’t documented your vital signs

A priest came in

to administer last rites – the smell of your blood permeated the air

I quit sneaking out

for chocolate shakes, because I had no one to stand guard at the door…..anymore

5-2-20