Questions I ask of a chair

Where is my friend? Did they leave?

I came by for a visit, but they were gone.

Are they sitting in the sun room?

On a scale of one to ten, what was their pain level?

Have you been following the coronavirus news?

I’m more afraid of sepsis and staph infections.

Why didn’t they finish eating their hospital cuisine?

Don’t they know straws are bad for the environment?

Why does it take a professional dietician to chose

turkey sausage and plastic scrambled eggs for breakfast?

Is it true, you have to be asleep before they check your vitals?

Personally, I hate using a bed pan, but in the middle of the night

a urinal is so convenient to pee in. My wife threw away the one

I brought home from the hospital. I bought a new one at CVS,

but she said I could sleep on the couch, if I didn’t get up to pee at night.

You were empty so I sat down on you at the foot of the empty bed

and looked out the window. Why the hell have a window, if

all you see is roof tops and air conditioning units?

I read that chairs are the dirtiest places in hospitals.

Does housekeeping disinfect the entire room or just empty the trash?

And who left a soiled linen basket in a patient’s room?

I should flee the hospital before something in here kills me.

Back to my original question – where is my friend?

They should have left a note on your seat

along with a clicker for the TV while I wait for them to return.

3-6-20